I’ll give our next door neighbor and reigning homeowner’s association dictator this much. When she decides she wants something, Katie bar the door, she will have it. And she wants new roofs on each of the units we supposedly independently own.

Today, nothing would do but that I walk over there so she could “go over some things with me.” She said that all the insurance adjustors and roofers to whom she has spoken have emphasized how much it would be to my benefit to at least “explore my options” with my own insurance company. That everyone else will be replacing their roofs and that will detract from the value of our unit. And she didn’t want to see that happen. [insert mock sincerity]

I have a personal situation right now that is placing enormous pressure on me and I told her flatly that I did not want to deal with this subject. I was, however, so angry when I came home that I did call my company.

And therein landed the death blow on my neck.

By calling and speaking with them, I now have six months to do something about the roof or any claim I might file will be denied without cause.

Never mind that I cannot afford to make up the difference between a claim and the deductible. Never mind that I have to move my cats and R. out of the house while the work is being done. (Thank God our friend Rachel has offered to take in the cats and give us a place to hide during the day.)

Now, because I sure as hell can’t afford the total cost of a roof replacement in the future, the Empress has me backed right up in the very corner she wanted me in all along. I have to play nice and get the roof done.

So much for concepts like privacy, homeownership, the right to make an independent decision. I can either (a) go to the bank and borrow the money to do this now or (b) let our home drop in value in comparison to the neighbors and pay the total roofing cost at some future date, thus erasing any profits from a potential sale.

Yes, that would be me stretched out over a barrel head.

And I told the old bat so. I also said I have no intention of interviewing roofers. I’ll go along with whoever the rest of them pick, because in the end, it will be who she wants anyway. I will, however, absolutely require a time estimate to make the necessary plans to accommodate MY family during the time that WE are being dislocated from OUR home by HER wishes.

No, it wasn’t pretty and I don’t intend for one goddamn minute to be gracious about any of it.